The moment my hope has shaken.

It was a normal Monday morning in the middle of October. The sun was out, the birds were chirping just outside my window as I did the usual routine that I used to do every day. A few hours later, my mother called my grandmother from work, stating that her boss had ordered her to go home due to her showing symptoms of the virus-like cough and cold. I remembered how I curiously stare at my grandmother as she speaks to my mother on the phone, a worried expression can be seen on her face as well as a hint of fear. As soon as the phone call ends, she turns to me before sighing and giving me a worried smile. I continue on with my routine; answering my assigned tasks and helping out with the house chores even though deep inside, I knew that something was wrong and that it was going to challenge me and my family greatly.

Just as I thought, two days later, my parents both decided to take a swab test. The worst part of it was that they were both positive for the virus. As much as I try to focus on my upcoming exams, I couldn’t help but worry, especially for my grandmother. Both my parents were sent to a facility to isolate themselves for fourteen days while I was left at home with my grandmother and brother. And for the next few days, everything had just gone downhill. When my grandmother, brother, and I took our swab test, my grandmother still thought about the positive side. She told me, “look at the bright side, Maxine.” And that we didn’t contract the virus despite knowing how big the chances were. And I did. I took her words into my heart because I believe that we have tried our best to isolate and distance ourselves from each other for our own safety. The test results came the next day. It was the last day of our exams and the pressure and stress that I was enduring had doubled. It was when we found out that my brother has contracted the virus as well. He was taken by the authorities and brought to my parents to isolate. After days of enduring the stress from our family matter while juggling with my exams, I broke down. The feeling of anger, worry, sadness, and fear came to me all at once. I thought that was the moment my hope had shaken. But it got worse.

During the course of the weekend, I finished my exams successfully. Satisfied that I no longer had to worry about my academics as I try to enjoy my usual weekend with my friends. To my surprise, I caught a cold. I also caught a cough and later, I caught a fever. Living with my grandmother, she placed me in a separate room while contacting my mother. While in the hospital, the doctors suggest that I get tested again since there’s a big chance that I did contract the virus and that my grandmother could have been exposed to me. While waiting to be tested the next day, my symptoms got worse. I couldn’t breathe properly and required a bronchodilator for the cough, which was suspected to be an asthma attack. On the day my grandmother and I received our results, I was relieved to know that she tested negative. Although, that relief quickly washed down and was replaced by sadness after I heard her sobs in the next room while talking to my mother on the phone. That was when I realized that I had Covid. I then try to quickly pack my things, getting ready to leave the house and into the same treatment facility my other family members were in. At that point, my hope was dangling by a string. I felt all of the same negative emotions once again as I waited for the doctors and the authorities who were to pick me up to get a decision. Just as I began feeling hopeless, the doctors suggested that I don’t need to be admitted since the symptoms were not severe and that I have treatments for my asthma. It was a breath of fresh air for my grandmother since she worries that my condition would not improve. But it did. Then I felt another small spark of hope when the authorities of the LGU had allowed me to isolate myself in our home as long as I am in a separate part of the house and away from my grandmother.

Once I remained inside one of the empty rooms in the other part of our home, I immediately told my closest friends about what had happened and they have been doing nothing but support and comfort me as I slowly recover from the virus. Everyone I cared about at that time constantly messaged me while others called to check up on me sometimes even having a watch party online just so I don’t get to feel alone. Even though I was still afraid of what might happen to me, I was more than thankful for the people who surrounded me when I was at my lowest point. When I couldn’t help but wonder if I would still wake up the next day feeling fine or when my asthma would suddenly get worse and I needed to be rushed into the hospital, my friends and family were there to check up on me and constantly remind me that this problem of mine, too shall pass. That everything will be okay again in the end. And in the end, it did. Everything went back to the way it was in our household. During that time, I had realized a lot of things as a person. I realized that I hadn’t appreciated the small hopes and miracles that were laid out in front of me until I was placed in a situation where I was most vulnerable. Sometimes, I forget that the reason why we are still here, alive and well, and waiting for our lives to get back to normal once again is that we are hopeful and that there are other people who are hopeful for us as well. We believe that despite the many lives it has affected and the discovery of new variants, this pandemic would still end. That we are still capable of returning to our old lives and going out to run errands, go to our educational institution, and meeting up with our friends without the need of feeling fear and worry for our well-being and for those of others. Through my experience, I continue to pray and be hopeful that someday this crisis will end and, we will be free from our isolation, may it be physically or mentally, and that we move on from the pain that this situation has caused us but remember the good memories and the lessons that we have had with ourselves and with our loved ones. Especially to those who passed.